


Against Nature’s Will

by JahStorybook



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Background Scout/Sniper (Team Fortress 2), Child Abandonment, Dad Spy, Death Wish Scout, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Recovering Alcoholic, Scout Is Troubled, Short Scout, Tiny Man, he's just short, sensitive topics, spy centric, suicidal, which isn't important to this story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-17 23:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21951499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JahStorybook/pseuds/JahStorybook
Summary: Tags may contain spoilers.Spy wants to help him. Wants to be a father, even if it’s a tad late. Scout needs more than someone to teach him how to ride a bike, he needs someone to stand in front of him and tell the world to stop beating him down.This is a DadSpy Story. Focuses almost entirely on Spy and Scout's relationship as father and son.After rereading this I've discovered how awful it was of me not to give you a follow up. Stay tuned for a part two<3
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Scout & Spy (Team Fortress 2)
Comments: 36
Kudos: 85





	1. Intro

Spies. Dangerous people. Killers, lurkers, sneaks. Agents capable of crumbling a government or exposing lies and secrets, the darkest scandals, all buried so deep even the big men in charge didn’t know about them. Spy was just that and more. A snake. Untrustworthy and always poised to strike. He refused to undersell himself, not because he was a narcissist, but because he had an uncommon realistic sense of his own self. He could kill without remorse, he could hurt someone to the point that the pain was beyond unbearable and feel little more than inconvenienced. He was the best at what he did, but he was not the best at being a father. 

In fact, he was one of the worst. After the birth of his one and only child, Spy thought he’d conquer the art of child raising like every other aspect of his life. Teach him life lessons, take him on his first road trip, teach him to fight, and quite possibly watch him become a man. For the first two years of Thomas Carlton’s life, things were leaning in that direction. Spy wasn’t the best at it, but with the help of Lainey, his fiancé and the mother of his child, he told himself he didn’t need to be best.

Even mediocrity would have been better than what lead to this. Eighteen years later and Thomas is the one to come back into Spy’s life, now under the class title Scout. He’s loud, a braggart, and nothing like the two year old Spy left behind. But even worse, the boy was deeply troubled and Spy wasn't sure even he could fix this.

Spy noticed first when he watched from the shadows while Thomas cried in the showers, and then again under the stairway to the lounge. It seemed that when he wasn't complaining, boasting, or running up and down the halls, Thomas was finding a secluded spot to fall apart in. At first Spy thought that perhaps a teammate had simply snapped at him or he was simply being a child, but he got along surprisingly well with the team and children don't cry _like that_. His next guess was Thomas merely wasn’t suited for this work. Wrong again. He was a natural. Killer instinct almost as shark as Spy’s own, minus the fine tuning. 

Then he ran into him after a shower and Spy had to cloak himself to keep anyone from seeing his face as emotions he wasn’t ready for took him by storm. Thomas’ body was a map of awful past transgressions. Scars that ranged from insignificant to terrifying, littering a frame that was narrow and obviously malnourished. He had a tattoo of a blade hilt on his side, very easy to miss if you didn’t look closely. Spy had yet to contact Lainey since meeting Thomas as Scout, but he figured it was time. This boy was in terrible shape and he needed to understand why and how it happened. 

He had been hesitant, taking a minute to himself at the telephone before dialing the number he got from Thomas’ personal file. He really wasn’t sure what to expect, what he’d hear. How would he even explain it all? He tried to plan it out, start with introducing himself and work from there if she didn't hang up on him.

She answered, voice the same as ever if only slightly more tired. She’d been relieved to hear him and then even more relieved and worried after finding out what Thomas had gotten himself into. Apparently Thomas had been acting out in the past few years and simply disappeared a few months ago without a trace. Spy knew it was because Miss Pauling picked him up, but poor Lainey assumed the worst.

She explained a lot, Thomas’ scars and personality. They lived in a tough neighborhood and her youngest son had a knack for stumbling into trouble. He was always coming home hurt and rather than seeking help locked himself away in his room. He was close with his brothers but they didn’t know what was wrong with him either. 

They talked about the crying and the distance, about how sorry Spy was that he hadn’t been there even if they both knew it was for the best. He was about to ask about the tattoo when he heard something crash from next floor up, something big and loud.

And that all brought him to now. 


	2. Chapter 1

Spy was at his son's room within the minute, listening intently. He heard something being rustled around and what sounded like something heavy sliding across the floor. He knocked, trying to calm his erratic heartbeat. When no one answered, Spy leaned in close and listened for more anything that might tell him what was happening in there. He almost jumped at the sound of crying.

Maybe Spy wouldn't have been so worried if it weren't for the fact that directly above him was none other than Scout's room. Maybe it it weren't for the fact that it was so late he wouldn't have dropped the phone and raced for the stairs. Maybe this, maybe that, it didn't matter. All that mattered in that moment was that Spy was standing at the door to Thomas's room trying to open it. Obviously it was locked, and obviously he could have taken a few seconds to simply bypass that lock with the pick in his case, but he didn't feel he had a few seconds, so he tried the knob, found it locked, and kicked it open.

The force broke the lock and the handle, and Spy ran barged in, looking around for the boy. He found him leaned against his bed, legs pulled up and arms wound tightly around himself.

"Spy? What the hell," he sniffled, "what are you doing breaking down doors in the middle of the night? Get out!" Spy approached him slowly, looking around a bit in shock. His bookshelf, a standard for every room on base, was knocked over and books were scattered everywhere. A box, sealed tight, had been shoved against the wall under the window.

"I heard that crash from downstairs, Scout. What happened?" He didn't know whether to kneel down beside him or stay standing. Would kneeling make him more approachable? Trustworthy? Perhaps standing seemed belittling of the boy in his condition. "Are you hurt?"

"Does it matter? Can't die in this stupid place anyway," Scout said, softly but with an edge of resentment. For a moment, Spy questioned if that resentment was aimed at him or the base. Deciding to get a better look at him, Spy slid to the ground, sitting against the bed like Scout was doing. He looked at the ceiling, acutely aware that Thomas was leaning away from him. Maybe he should have stayed standing.

"It's very dull down here. Perhaps you should move up to the bed," Spy suggested, hoping to sound light. Scout turned a bit away, body jerking as if zapped by a static shock. Maybe Spy's 'light' strayed too close to pointing out the obvious. "You didn't answer my question."

"I'm not hurt, just knocked that thing over on accident. Can you please leave?" Even if Spy believed that, which he didn't, it wouldn't explain why his son was practically shivering, tremors wracking his body every few seconds, or why his face was wet with fresh tears.

"You can talk to me, or I can fetch Medic. Seeing as how I'm already awake and in a fine mood and Medic will not be, I think we both know which is the better option." Scout dropped his head onto his knees, sighing.

"I'm tired. I was thinking about the match today, wasn't paying attention, and ran into my shelf." A thinly veiled lie, and Spy would know. He lied every day, both as a hobby and as part of his job.

"It's past two in the morning. Why were you up in the first place," he asked, looking around at the room more closely. There wasn't anything out of place. His dresser was covered in bonk cans, a few frames with no pictures in them. His hat was on the floor next to his headset and a shirt had been tossed in a heap by the cans. 

"I don't know, just couldn't sleep." Oh please, Spy thought to himself. At this point he's not even trying. 

"Say I actually believed that, as well as you simply knocking over a bookshelf that weighs twice as much as you, why are you down here on the floor, crying because of it?" That one struck a nerve, clearly.

"Fuck you, man, why are you even here? I told you what happened, end of story. Get out," he commanded, and Spy was just glad to hear a bite in his voice once more. Stubborn, like his mother. 

"I explained why I was here. I heard a crash, a very loud one." He looked my way, eyes burning through me as if he could hear the lie in my voice as I could his.

"Right. Heard a crash, in a base full of insane men who all like shooting stuff and blowing things up, so you rush to my room, the only one that has no bombs, launchers, because obviously it must have come from in here." He was perceptive.

"You were clearly the only one awake, mon fils," Spy said easily, right before thinking about what had just slipped out. 

"Whatever. Can you do us both a favor and just go?" Spy knew he was hiding something, trying to push Spy out like this made it obvious. There was really only one thing he could do if he wanted to know what it was, though.

"I'm leaving. You can talk with me, you know?" Scout didn't answer, just looked at the wall and waited. Spy left quietly.


	3. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings:  
> Discussion of one trying to kill them self  
> No self harm  
> Stealing pills but not taking them  
> Attempt at killing oneself

Spy watched him carefully after that night. It seemed that Scout was being careful not to let anything slip like usual. He no longer cried, or at least he didn't where Spy could find him. His presence at dinner started to dwindle, and the only time Spy ever saw him was before each match and during. 

"Spy, you got a minute?" Engineer was standing at the door to his garage when Spy passed and he had a serious look on his face. 

"What is it, laborer," Spy asked, his nickname bouncing right off the problem solver and philosopher. Engi looked around and then stepped back, gesturing for Spy to follow him inside where it was more private. They stopped at Engi's tool table.

"You notice something odd about Scout lately?" Ah, so Spy had not been the only one to realize something was wrong.

"What have you noticed," Spy asked, unsure about telling him what he'd seen or said to the boy the night he'd caught him... doing something.

"Well, I think the little pip may have nicked something dangerous from my workshop the other day and I'm just a little worried." The way he was speaking urged Spy to pry out more information. How dangerous? Something that may hurt him? 

"I have also noticed him doing strange things lately. Crying more often than usual, sneaking around. I've been watching him to make sure he doesn't get into trouble," Spy assured the man. "What did he take?"

"Some pills Doc prescribed me." Spy wasn't expecting that. He sucked in a surprised breath, the worst coming to mind. Engi was quick to put his mind at ease, raising his hand to stop Spy before he could even ask. "Nothing that can hurt him, though I'm sure he didn't know that. I asked him about it and he gave them back and said he was sorry. I asked why he took them and he said he thought they were just plain old painkillers and he had a headache."

"You didn't believe him?" Engi shook his head.

"He didn't take any. Got back the whole bottle, untouched. If he was just borrowing them for a headache he would have took some and put them back, you know that. The boy is a lot of things but he ain't no thief, so why else would he take them if he didn't think they were... harmful." Spy could second that. He had never once see Thomas take something that wasn't his.

"What makes you think he thought they were harmful? Perhaps he thought the effects would be, ahem, recreational." He'd never seen Thomas do drugs or even mention them before, but he was young and curious, it was possible.

"That ain't all, Spy," Engi said, voice still so serious as though they were discussing Scout's very life force.

"What else did he take?" Engi pulled a tarp off his TV, turning it on. There was a security feed of the workshop they were in, but Scout was sitting on the table while Engineer worked on a turret. Engi hit play and Spy watched as the two on the screen talked, Engi was explaining how the turrets targeted colors like blue or red but this turret wasn't targeting on anything. Engineer got up after fixing the turret, telling Scout he'd be back in a jiffy. Scout waited til he was gone to hop off the table and go stand in front of the turret.

"I don't understand," Spy said. 

"Just watch." And so he did, nerves winding up with each second as he watched Scout look around the garage before grabbing a blue screwdriver up and waving it at the turret. The turret shot it out of his hands, barely making Scout jump. "Now I know the boy sometimes does stupid stuff, but he had just watched me fix the turret, Spy. He knew it'd shoot anything blu!"

"He was trying to get it to shoot him," Spy announced. He felt sick. He felt angry. He felt scared. "That's what he was doing in his room..."

"His room?" Spy leaned against the table, rubbing at his face as exhaustion threatened to break his mind.

"I heard a crash in his room a few nights ago, just last week actually. I went up to investigate and found that he had knocked his bookshelf over. There was a window behind it, and if I had to guess one with quite a drop outside of it. He was thinking about opening it." The crying, the constant running himself ragged, the skipping meals. Spy was a damn fool for not realizing sooner!

"This footage is from two nights ago," Engineer told him, turning the screen off just in time for Engi to walk back into the room on screen and notice the screw driver on the floor. 

"I need to call-" He stopped himself, realizing he was just about to reveal, out loud, Scout's mother's name. "I need to call his mother."

"Or you can call his father," Engineer said pointedly, giving him that look everyone on the base had given him at least once. "Go be a father, Spy. Help your son before he actually hurts himself."

"He won't open up to me, I am a stranger to him." Too many years apart, too much time wasted. Spy was a failure of a father, he may only make things worse.

"Now you stop that. Think of it like this, Scout's problems are like information, and Scout is an asset, are you following me?" Spy nodded. "Good, now you are going to interrogate him, without harming him, until he spills that information, and then you are going to be there for him because god knows that boy just needs someone to be a dad for him. He throws himself at all of us, hoping for anything. Its why he helps me build and talks to Sniper after the day is over."

"He does that because you are kind and Sniper won't tell him to go away! I am not kind, Engineer." He put his hand on my shoulder, shaking his head in a way that Spy imagined a dad _would do_. Maybe he just needed to act like him. 

"Just do this, okay?"

* * *

Spy's talk with Engi gave him a lot to talk about, and he found himself on the roof of the base smoking a cigarette to try and sort out his thoughts. Which is exactly how he ended up fumbling for his watch when the door burst open and none other than Scout stormed out past him. He turned invisible and tossed his cigarette off the roof, staying as still as possible while Thomas paced back and forth before stopped, facing away from Spy and towards the railing around the roof.

He was waiting, cloaked, for anything to happen. Scout just sat there for so long that Spy wondered if somehow Scout knew he was here and that's why he was being so still. Until he moved. Spy stepped with him, keeping just a few steps away as Scout made his way to the edge of the roof to look out over the city. The bright neon lights and dark night sky made for an interesting sight, especially in the neon light district, but Scout wasn't looking at the view Spy'd bet. 

He was close enough to touch him, and he was grateful for that when Thomas did what Spy worried he would. Vaulted over to the other side of the rail. 

"Scout!" 

"Wha," Scout turned to see who was out here with him and Spy used that moment of hesitation to grab Scout by the arm, yanking him back over to the slightly safer side of the roof. They both his the roof, Spy on his back and Scout locked in his arm. Almost immediately he tried to get away but just this once Spy was quicker and tightened his grip. "The fuck, man, let me go!"

"You were planning on jumping, you idiot! Stop struggling," Spy shouted, rolling to pin Scout on his stomach. "Doctor! Doctor, I need your help!"

"Shut up, stop calling for that psycho! I wasn't going to jump! Spy, Spy, you gotta listen man, I wasn't doing nothing, just looking!" Spy didn't believe him for a second. In fact, he was certain that Thomas's eyes had been closed. He didn't budge, even as the smaller man almost pushed him off. "Get off, get off me!"

"What is going on here?" Medic had burst through the door and was taking a second just to assess the situation. "Spy?"

"He tried to jump," Spy said, shoving Thomas back down when he tried to lift his head.

"I didn't! I swear that's not it, I was just- I was- I-I- I wasn't-" Spy pulled him up, worried at the way his body had started to shake. Medic came forward to help keep him restrained, so Spy knocked his hat off and pulled his face up into the light. His eyes were bloodshot and full of panic, spilling tears down his bruised up face. "I wasn't gonna do it! I was just thinking about it," he blabbed, voice losing some of its fight and verging on pathetic.

"Scout!" Medic chastised. "How could you even consider doing something like that?!"

"It doesn't matter why, right now. Help me get him inside," Spy said, bringing Thomas up into something similar to a hug and standing. Medic stopped him, pulling his pocket open at his belt and pulling out a syringe of some green liquid, most likely something to make Scout less likely to fight them.

"Let me sedate him. The infirmary has many... sharp tools in it. We shouldn't risk anything." Scout jerked away from them both, shaking his head. The sudden act allowed him to slip from Spy's grasp. He backed up, arms wrapped around himself protectively. stepped after him but he was faster and already had his back pressed against the rail.

"Thomas, get away from there," Spy demanded, hoping that the fear in my voice would be enough to coax him forward. Scout dropped his hands, not looking at us as he felt at the rail.

"Schatz, don't do it, it's going to be okay just come over here," Medic tried, voice soothing and full of promise. Scout shook his head still, a sob leaving his lips.

"I can't! I can't take it, just leave me alone!" He used his upper body strength to lift his body onto the rail without turning his back on us. 

"Don't you dare, Thomas! You get down from there right now! Listen to me, you can't do this, it's selfish and wrong and you don't get to just throw away something so precious!" Medic tried to shut him up but Spy took a step toward Scout, stopping when he leaned back further over the rail. 

"What do you even care, man? You think because you can dig into our pasts and because saw me cry once or twice that suddenly you know me? News flash, you don't know anything about me!" Spy did know though. Elaine had fed him info about his son from the time he left to when Thomas became Scout.

"I know that your real name is Thomas, and that you use to play baseball but were kicked off the team because you started acting out. I know that you have seven brothers who all love you and a mother who would do anything for you! I know that when you were a child you loved hearing me speak french because it use to make you laugh." Thomas' eyes got big at that and Spy used it as a chance to take another step forward. Scout slid back, knees keeping him on the rail and little more.

"What-what are you saying? You knew me when I was kid? That isn't- no, that isn't possible, I'd remember!" Something tugged his hand behind his back and he felt the cold steel and glass of the syringe placed in the middle of his palm. He closed his hands around it. 

"Would you? Do you remember being one, Thomas? Do you remember me rocking you to sleep in my lap when you were just a bébé? Because I remember like it was yesterday, mon fils! My son, that's what you are, Scout! My son, you can ask your mother, she can tell you it's true!" Something dark passed behind his eyes and fear stabbed through Spy, his insides turning to ice. "Wait, _Thomas don't_ -" He was pushed forward all of a sudden, hitting the ground hard. Sniper climbed up over the rail, grabbing Scout by the shirt and pulling him up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, kid?! Do you know how scared I was down there? I looked up and I seen you almost jump down and then you climb right back over?" He looked up then, noticing Spy and Medic speechless. Spy rushed forward, jabbing the needle into Scout's arm and administering the shot quickly. "What..."

"He was trying to jump, Herr Sniper," Medic told him, and the two of them watched as the Aussie turned from confused to downright heartbroken. 

"Ah no. Mate, tell me you weren't..." Scout rolled his head over to look at Sniper, eyes droopy but just sorrowful enough to tell him it was true. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting worse, Pumpkin?"

"How long has he been like this," Spy asked, surprised that Sniper knew anything had been wrong in the first place.

"First brought it up a few weeks after we... after we got close. Told me some personal stuff from his past that I'd best not be talking about with his permission but... I reckon he's been like this for about three years now." Spy grabbed at my chest, something hard to describe replacing the fear. Was he having a heart attack? He was in perfect health, though. Not a heart attack, no, just something damn near close to one.

"Three years? But he hasn't tried anything like this before?" Medic didn't know about the instance with the turret, Spy remembered. He wondered if Sniper did.

"Not... quite like this. He stole pills, tempted fate here and there, but never fully tried to end his life. Not like this. Sniper's grip on Scout's shirt tightened, turning his knuckles white where they were exposed through his gloves.

"He told you all this," Spy asked, surprised. Sniper nodded, dropping his hand to caress Scout's face, and pet his hair. It was then that Spy understood what he'd been missing, but that was a topic for later.

"You must tell us why he's like this, then. He needs help." Spy agreed with Medic heartily on that. Sniper glanced down at Scout, knocked out now, before looking back at Spy and Medic.

"I-I think that might be a good idea."


	4. Chapter 3

Scout woke up as he usually did with one added thing, he felt high. With a headache, dry lips, and absolutely no idea why his back hurt so much, but also like he did when the Medi-gun was on him for too long. Of course as he sat up and looked around, he remembered some of what led him to this moment and feeling like this. Spy caught him on the roof, called Medic to help, Medic tried to jab him with who knows what and it scared him.

He remembered what Spy had said while trying to talk him down and his chest suddenly got very tight. Was that true? Was Spy his dad? Maybe the sneak had just been saying that to stall him... Where was he? There was no one else around and he was in a stranger's bed. It smelled faintly familiar, comforting, but trying to place where he knew the scent from so early in the morning just made his head hurt worse. With rather shaky limbs, Scout climbed out of bed, legs giving out when he tried to stand. Usually they only did that after a night of sex, but he was pretty sure he hadn't had sex yesterday. Or at least, he didn't think he had.

"Do you remember when he first brought up his past? Maybe something triggered his memory of this incident. When he switched from a healthy mentality to his current one?" That was Medic's voice! Scout pushed himself to his feet, wondering why his fingers felt so numb. Had they drugged him? He couldn't remember anything after Spy tried to tell him he was Scout's father. Maybe he had slipped and didn't realize it? No, no it didn't matter how hard he hit the ground, it wouldn't make his body feel like this.

"All I can really remember is a few late night visits where he was intent on trying to tell me some big secret. I was patient, told him he could tell me anything, but it wasn't until a few weeks back that he actually told me any of it. Right before we packed up to come here to Hong Kong, actually, so five weeks." Sniper, Scout realized with a sudden jerk. Sniper was out there, telling them everything. Sniper knew what he tried to do. Sniper was going to disappointed.

"Herr Spy, you said that the incident with Engi's turret was just two nights ago?" 

"Three now." God, they knew about that, too? Scout shook his hands out, trying to get feeling to return to them so he could work up the nerve to open the door. Unless... he looked around, finding only one other exit. The window. It was wide but narrow, but not too narrow for him. He climbed onto the bed and tried the lock, finding it just a simple twist latch. Probably so medic could let his birds in and out. He slid the window up slowly, quietly, before pulling his hand down and realizing he'd cut it on the sharp edge. He didn't even feel it. Taking just a second to wrap his hand in his shirt he tried to reason with himself. _Stay and get help_ , he told himself bitterly, _let them yell at you until they're out of breath, and then say your sorry and it won't happen again_. _Say you weren't thinking straight_! _Do it_. 

He climbed up to the window.

* * *

"When is he gonna wake up, Medic?" Spy had stepped out for a smoke, again, and Sniper was getting really anxious after a night of waiting to see Scout up on his feet. 

"I'll go check on him shortly. Even after he wakes up I doubt he'll be able to talk. That sedative I gave him is gonna knock out most of his nerves and until tomorrow walking is out of the question." With that Medic went to his bedroom door, opened it quietly, and Sniper watched as he slammed it open all the way after all of about three seconds. "He's gone!"

"He's what?" Sniper ran to his side, looking over his shoulder at the empty bed and the open window above it. "I thought you just said walking was out of the question until tomorrow!?"

"I did! He shouldn't even be able to stand with the dosage he got," Medic crawled onto his bed and looked out the window, gasping slightly as he pulled his hand away from the windowsill. "He hurt himself. Sniper, get Spy in here fast."

"Already here," a voice came from behind Sniper, making him jump. "Where is Scout?" 

"He's uh... gone out the window, it seems," Sniper said, gesturing to where Medic stood. They couldn't very well lie, not with the bed obviously empty and Medic staring out an open window.

"And he's bleeding. We need to tell everyone to start looking for him right away. Hurry up now, I don't like him not being under my care with drugs in his system," Medic said urgently, stepping off the bed and storming past the two mercenaries in his doorway like a man on a mission. 

"He could have gone to my camper, I'll check there," Sniper said, following after Medic and leaving Spy leaning against the doorway looking ill.

* * *

Scout did end up at Sniper's camper, but he didn't wait around for the man to find him. He was half dragging himself but he didn't let it slow him down too much. After originally planning on hiding out until Sniper returned, Scout thought over how that traitor went and told Medic and Spy of all people what Scout had confided in him. He understood that they thought it was for the best, he understood that any normal person should be glad that people were taking matters into their own hands, but Scout just felt betrayed. Maybe he was too broken, or just stupid, but either way he couldn't let go to Sniper. 

That left him without many options. No one would just hide him, not after word got around about what he did, so he couldn't even go to Engi. Pyro was nice, but he'd likely find a way of tricking Scout back to Medic's little house of horrors. Sharp needles and condescending words were all he'd really get from anyone right now. So he only had _one_ choice. Hide.

The camper wouldn't work for that, it was too close to the base and Sniper would check there first after they found out he wasn't still in bed. He could maybe hide somewhere _in_ the camper. Maybe if he climbed in one of the cabinets or... or he could get under the thing and just stay real quiet. Would Sniper look under it? If he did Scout wouldn't be able to run away, not with how much his body was fighting him to just lay down and sleep.

"Thomas!" Scout's head shot up, eyes taking longer than usual to focus on the man running his way. Fuck. He'd spent so long thinking about where to go he was too late. Dropping to the ground he rolled under the camper van, at least figuring he could make it hard for Sniper. Scout would kick, and bite, and he couldn't really put any force behind his punched but Sniper was definitely getting one of those too. He moved as far away from Sniper as he could when the lanky man dropped down to look for him. "Scout, mate, are you alright?"

"Stay the hell away from me you backstabbing bastard!" Confusion crossed the man's face, making Scout glare. Or he tried to at least, but his vision swam if he didn't keep his eyes steady and open wide. "I heard you telling Medic and Spy everything, man!"

"Scou-"

"No! Just shut up, Snipes. I am not going back to Medic just for him to drug me up or whatever the fuck he's planning." He could move back, out from under the camper, and run. He still wasn't sure he'd make it far, but he could only keep under here for a good few minutes before Sniper crawled under with him. While he was watching for movement in front of him, someone had gotten behind the camper. Arms came around his middle and he was dragged back into the open, hands uselessly flailing against whoever held him. "What the fuck? Let me go, asshole, let go!"

"It's just me," Spy said, as if that were a comfort. His voice was too close to Scout's ear, his breath making the hair on Scout's neck stand up and his nerves do something kinda weird, legs buckling under him. Spy was able to keep him up, arms tight around his waist.

"What did you do to me," Scout asked, trying to pull himself free. All he felt under his hands were a slight pressure, and they refused to close around Spy's arms. After a minute he gave up, head falling back on Spy's shoulder on it's own accord.

"We need to get him back to Medic. Looks about ready to pass out." They really were dragging him back to that lunatic, then. 

"I don't feel so good," he warned, the arms around him seeming to be squeezing too hard at the same time he tried to lurch forward. Instead he ended up throwing up on himself. 

"Christ! Set him down, I don't think he should be on his feet right now." Was he even on his feet? It didn't feel like he was. Instead it felt like he was floating off the ground, body lifting out of Spy's hold. The ground seemed to switch to above him and he felt himself start to vomit again at the sudden vertigo. 

"Fuck! Je vais tuer ce docteur!" Scout, still feeling real awful, laughed at that. 

"You sound... real funny like that, you know that?" Spy grabbed Scout's shirt, not even caring that it was filthy apparently, and adjusted him to where he was flat on his back. 

"Maybe he's having a bad reaction to the sedative. We gotta get him to Medic. Maybe... Maybe put him in the camper, I can drive us as close as possible."

* * *

Spy wasn't very happy with Medic as they all stood over Scout. While the two were trying to get the runner back to the med bay, he'd started seizing and Spy got a glimpse of what would likely happen if they lost him, there and then. It wasn't a pleasant vision. They were both left to wait out in the hall for hours, joined by the Heavy and Engi, who'd sense caught wind of what was happening.

"So he's okay," Spy surmised after a far to detailed account of what was happening in Scout's veins. Medic glanced up from his charts, all containing printed details about Scout's levels, at the haggard looking man.

"What I said was he was no longer in immediate danger. He's far from okay." Engineer breathed a sigh of relief, sitting down in one of the waiting room chairs he'd dragged in to rub at his eyes with his good hand. 

"Alright, what do we do now, then? You guys figure out why he's so keen on offin' himself?" An awkward silence settled over everyone. Or rather, uncomfortable in the sense that no one really wanted to be talking about this.

"According to Herr Sniper, Scout told him some time ago about some issues he had in the past that may just be related," Medic told the Texan, willing to start that conversation but leaving the rest to Sniper himself. 

"It's... kinda a long story, mate. And not a pretty one."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I should probably include a mental health problem in the tags as a warning... I can't remember if I've done that yet.


	5. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one thing to note about this is that in almost all of my stories, Scout takes more after his mother's side than his father's, maybe only ever having a few shared features. In all my stories, Scout is short, for one, while canon Spy is 6 feet tall. 
> 
> 185 cm= 6'1"

Sniper had told this story once already, had answered their questions as best he could, and by now he was starting to hate the words coming out of his mouth even more. Here and there he'd think about it, about this little tell that was bouncing around his head and had been for the past few weeks, and he'd feel his stomach churn. He should have done something sooner.

"When he was about 17..."

"Well he had a hard time makin' friends, or at least that's how it sounded when he told me..."

"Baseball was all he really made time for outside of his family..."

"Was a real trouble maker, even if he meant well..."

"One day said the wrong thing to the wrong person...

"Little guy didn't even know what hit him. They beat that kid near bloody and left him out in the field after practice. He healed up, of course, but by then he had a reputation and after that incident he got kicked from the baseball team. There were more fights, each one just worse than the last. Bugger started stickin' more to streets, acting out at anybody and everybody. One day he... well, Miss Pauling hears about killers, not troubled kids, so I say you can guess what happened after that." It just didn't sit right, this Thomas's life.

"And what, he regrets that kind of life now?" Engi was perceptive, but from his point of view he didn't get it. But that wasn't all of it, yet. Sniper left out a big part of what sent Scout spiraling.

"No. Well, yes, but that isn't all of why he's doing this I don't think. He had an issue with alcohol. A... real big issue." Engineer's eyes flashed with realization and quickly turned to something between disappointment and sadness.

"Ah shucks, that's why he won't drink with us? I thought... well I guess after that I thought he wasn't old enough or just didn't want to be around all of us when we let loose like that." Heavy rested his hand on the Texan's shoulder, both of them sharing that look, that promise between friends that neither of them knew. 

"Back when he was drinking he'd stay out all night, usually wind up behind some dumpster with no memory of how he got there. He's not had a drink in years now," Sniper told them, running his hand across his tired face in the hopes that his drowsiness would subside. 

"He has," Spy said, appearing on the other side of Scout from nowhere. He'd left before Sniper could repeat what he'd already told the spook and Medic. "I was just talking with some of the others, and you'll never guess who Demo shared a drink with before all this nonsense started." Sniper felt a cold shudder at that.

"Tell me you're joking, Spook. He's been on the wagon for too bloody long to fall off now!" But Sniper knew that wasn't how it worked. You don't go so long without that you forget the pull, you carry it on your shoulders and one day you find the will power to ward off the claws trying to drag you back to that dark place you crawled out of.

"I'm afraid not, Sniper. This is hardly a joking matter." Knowing he'd slipped did clear some things up, at least. Scout had been real disappointed in himself, Sniper knew that, and he'd been acting a little on the ornery side for the better part of a month. "Doctor, did you check if he had alcohol in his system when you sedated him?"

"I did. He did not. The boy wasn't drunk when he tried to jump off that roof, I'm afraid, just very distraught." As much as that seemed to irk Spy, he accepted it with a nod and turned his eyes back to Scout. 

"There's no one out here to give him professional help," Engi stated, suddenly sounding very tired. How long had it been since they slept? Everyone's been crazy worried, looking for Scout.

"There is not. But with any luck, eight protective mercenaries can keep him away sober. Maybe we can get Demo to stop drinking as well." Medic sounded hopeful at that. If anything could stop the Scot, helping a friend would be it. He was a lot like a brother to Scout, and if staying sober himself helped Scout keep a clear head, then somehow Sniper knew he'd do it. 

"Well, I best be heading back to my shop. Got something I'm working on. You'll tell me when the boy wakes up, right?" At Snipe's small nod he seemed to not know what to do. Settling on patting Scout's hand once, he turned to leave after tipping his helmet at us.

* * *

Spy hated this. All of it. He hated seeing his son laying in a hospital bed, he hated hearing about how while Spy was slipping through the shadows of Europe Thomas was sinking to the lowest point in his life. Most of all, he hated that it took him so long to find out about all of it. If they'd been closer, if he were more open with Thomas when he became Scout, the boy may have trusted him more. 

Now all he could do was pick up the pieces. Somewhere deep down, Spy knew that was his last option, his last chance at helping Thomas. If he failed, he'd lose his son, and if he somehow fixed whatever this was... Well, he didn't expect Thomas to let him back into his life as his father, but having the boy alive and hating him was a start.

"Spy, we should talk." Medic had left Sniper to stand guard until the flight risk woke up, and was now looking at Spy as if he was about to deliver even more bad news. Spy really wished he wouldn't.

"I suppose we should." Motioning to the chair at his desk, Medic sighed and gave him that look he always gave his patients. "Very well," Spy said with his own annoyed sigh, sitting at the desk and waiting for Medic to clear the papers off of it. He seemed to be trying to gather his thoughts.

"I think we should discuss Scout's living arrangements." At the tightening of Spy's jaw he raised his hands. "I'm not saying we have him sent back to Boston. I don't think that would help anything. I only mean that he should not be allowed on his own for a while."

"I have thought the same." In fact, Spy had been thinking that handcuffing the troublesome boy to the bed at night wasn't the worst way to go, but he doubted the others would agree with him so he kept it to himself. "What do you suggest?"

"Well, Soldier lives in shared quarters. Perhaps something like that would work." Someone too watch over him even at night would be ideal, and during the day they could take turns.

"I know he sometimes goes to stay with Sniper, but that can't be a permanent solution. That thing he calls a home is hardly big enough for one, let alone two. He needs to stay with someone responsible and not too busy." Someone who'd wake if he tried to sneak out in the middle of the night.

"I'm afraid both Engi and I are unavailable for that very reason. I wouldn't mind him hanging around my lab, but I don't think he'd be too relaxed here and Engi has very dangerous tools in his shop. Tools we know Scout has tried to use to hurt himself." 

"Well, since Soldier and Demo are already sharing a living space, what about them? Don't they still have two beds?" Uncomfortable beds. Soldier was fine with military issued cots, though, as he was use to precisely that from a young age. And Demo... well, that man could sleep on the floor just fine when it suited his fancy.

"Only one now, actually. Besides I don't think Scout should be exposed to Demo right now, not with his past addictions." That left Heavy, Pyro, or... Spy. Pyro was out of the question, of course. He was energetic, could keep up with Scout, but he was not responsible. The trouble those two could get into when left on their own was unimaginable. Left on their own, together? No.

"Heavy?" The giant man got along well with Thomas, and he was patient. Plenty responsible. He would notice if something was going on with the boy or if Scout tried to hide something. 

"Spy," Medic chastised. "He is your son! Is the idea of letting him sleep in your room really that awful?" Yes, Spy wanted to say. Though, maybe not for the reasons Medic thought.

"When he wakes up, how do you think he's going to react to remembering I am his father, Doctor? Because something tells me he won't agree to come anywhere near me." And Spy didn't want to think about all the fighting. He knew it'd have to happen, after all he _had_ abandoned Thomas and that was on him, no matter his reasons. 

"Well, you'll just have to change his mind, because Herr Heavy is far to busy as well. He helps me in the lab, and when he's not doing that he's knitting." While that sounded like a thinly veiled lie, Spy realized there was no way he was getting out of this. It would be deny to help Thomas, or suffer through having to practically live with him.

"Fine." Medic smiled, in that way you might expect a shark to smile at its prey. All teeth and intentions of torture. Spy should probably assume that no matter who he tried to suggest, this man had a rebuttal ready until Spy was the only one left.

* * *

Sniper was sent to get some sleep after a while, stating he'd be back after he'd gotten some shut eye to keep an eye one him. If it weren't for Scout starting to wake up just a few short minutes after he was gone, they may have sent for him to come right back. There was a lot of confusion on Scout's part when he finally woke up fully. Spy sat just out of his line of sight while Medic asked him several standard questions. 

"And how do you feel now? Sick? Tired?" 

"I can feel my hands." Medic glanced at Spy, just a quick glance, but it told them both that neither understood the significance of that statement. "I couldn't feel them when I woke up before." 

"Sorry for that. I knew the dosage was a little high in that needle, but I didn't exactly have time to go over your files and I can't always carry around nine personalized sedatives." Even if Scout was starting to relax, Spy wasn't sure all of this talking as if nothing happened was such a good idea. Medic should bring it up as soon as possible, shouldn't he? Dancing around the subject would only lull the boy into a false sense of security.

"Well, it's fine. I mean, I get that you had to act fast, so it's not your fault." Spy really did hate it. 

"That brings us to our next conversation. Scout, explain." Just like that. No more beating around the bush, no building him up, it was now. 

"Why? I heard Snipes tell you guys everything, I know you already know about... Well, everything, I guess." Assuming that Sniper knew everything, which Spy was still inclined to think he didn't.

"Tell us yourself. We want you to explain why you started drinking again, and when you starting having thoughts of suicide. We need to know every detail, no matter if you think we already heard it from Sniper. Go on, tell us." With nowhere to run, no escape, Scout was trapped suddenly between Spy and Medic. 

"Alright! Just stop standing over me, will ya?" He hid his face under his arm, something Spy had noticed a long time ago he did when he was feeling too overwhelmed. "And I didn't start drinking again. It was just once."

Neither of them seemed to believe that. Sure it may have been one beer, but one was all it took.

"And as for the other thing, well... I guess it was just a few days after that. Nothing too bad, I just started feeling like I really screwed up and wasted all of the progress I'd made these past few years. I didn't want to think about it though, and I didn't even tell Sniper about it cause I didn't want him to think I was weak and had started down that road again." Judging by his tone, Spy knew Scout believed that about himself.

"So you chose a worse road," Spy asked, backing away from the swat Medic sent towards him. 

"I- fuck you, man. Like I said, it started so small I didn't even really think about it. We were switched bases soon and I remembered that respawn would be down until we got to the new place, and that thought just kind of stuck with me. And then we get here and it was still stuck up there so I thought maybe I'd wait until respawn got back up and just... do it once. You know, scare myself. I was sitting with Engi and after he fixed up that turret I realized that would be a good time to try so I found this little blue thingy, close enough to the Blu uniform." Spy was starting to feel nauseous again.

"And what about that night Spy found you crying in your room?" 

"That was about when I realized the thoughts weren't going away." Spy still desperately wanted to shake him, to get that dead look off his face and remind him that he was still young and had a whole fucking life to go on to. He didn't. He knew it wouldn't help, especially when Scout didn't see it that way.

"Why did you accept the drink?" Spy had to stop himself from asking his own questions.

"I had just gotten into a fight. Was feeling frustrated and needed to just... I don't know, do something to take control of my stupid feelings." And so obviously he chose to accept the strongest alcohol on base. Why wouldn't he? 

"Who did you fight with?" Now that earned Spy's close attention. When he found out, he may just pay them a visit.

"It was uh... It's not important, they didn't mean anything by it and I was just being annoying so it's not their fault." Either he was protecting them or he wasn't comfortable saying.

"It was that Sniper, wasn't it," he asked, eyes burning through Scout's thin concentration. 

"No. It was someone in this room." Oh. _Oh Merde._ Medic, not missing a beat, moved on.

"What finally made you go up to that roof?" Now this time, Scout really did clam up.

"I can't really say. I wish I could, but there's just so much that I don't really know why I was there." Torn between believing that and wanting to dig deeper, Spy didn't notice Medic turning away.

"Well, we can discuss that more, later. Oh, you'll be living with Spy from now on, by the way." They both shot up straight at that, Spy in preparation to flee and Scout in surprise. 

"No! Look, I won't ever go near roofs again, but I am not going to bunk with that asshole, alright? I'll just, I'll stay with Snipes." Medic pushed him back down to his previous position. "I mean it, doc. I _can't_ \- It's just too-" Scout curled in on himself, looking much smaller. "Argh, it just wouldn't work!"

"Well, you'll have to make it work, Junge. You can't stay with Sniper every night, the man needs his space as much as the rest of us, and I mean that literally. There simply isn't enough room for you to live there permanently." Scout's entire body grew very tense at that and Spy shut his eyes, sighing.

"Who said anything about permanent? What do you mean permanent, doc?" With a sigh and look of exasperation, Medic allowed Scout to sit up and closed his chart. 

"Not that permanent. Shall we say, semi-permanent? The point is that we've already decided and there shall be no argument, do you understand?" All the previous doctory vibes were not replaced with sinister ones, and from where Spy was he could see the shiver that ran down Scout's back.

"I... okay, I understand."

* * *

"Come on, there is a spare bed for you." It was actually for Spy, as he was giving Scout his own bed to sleep in. Spy had taken Soldier, Heavy, and Medic to look at Scout's bed to bring it over to his room, but it was honestly worse than the cots. The frame was weak, the mattress in tatters from what appeared to be a nervous habit of Scout pulling threads, and worst of all it clashed with the theme of Spy's room.

Luckily the storage below the base had several beds as backups so they'd simply moved in one of those. It was awfully small and Spy didn't want Scout to be fidgety or uneasy.

Thomas set his bag down, jumping slightly when Spy grabbed the bag and moved it to the the wardrobe against the far wall. Spy didn't want to scare him, he was trying hard not to, but every move he made seemed to send Scout two feet in the air. He half expected him to just fall on the bed Spy pointed him to but he was too guarded to turn his back on his father, it would seem. Spy could understand that. They weren't the type to just stand around like friends, and Scout had never once been in this room. 

"You can rest now, if you'd like. Or if you're hungry we can go eat first." Those words sounded so casual, despite the tenseness in Spy's shoulders and back as he said them. His whole body felt stiff and he'd much rather Thomas choose to sleep. 

"I uh... I'm not hungry. Or tired." Right. Spy was left feeling very uncomfortable now. "So I'm really not allowed back in my room?"

"Not on your own. I'm sorry, but it's for your own good," Spy told him, the words tasting empty even though he knew they were true. He reached up to touch Thomas's shoulder, something Engi had advised him would be comforting, stopping when the skittish runner stumbled back, hands up to ward him off. 

"Please, don't!" The way he recoiled startled Spy, mostly because he'd never once seen him react like that to anything, let alone small gestures. _Oh god_ , Spy thought, _he thinks that you were gonna hit him. You've traumatized him, haven't you? Now he will never trust you again_.

"Tho-Scout, I would never, _never_ , hit you; you know that right? You don't have to be afraid of me." A deep red blush spread across Scout's face, and he dropped his hands and straightened up.

"I'm not scared! I just don't want you to drug me again, asshole," he shouted, shoulders slumping forward as glared at him. Even when embarrassed he didn't avoid eye contact. It was something Spy admired while also despised. It was unnerving, someone looking at you so you knew they were uncomfortable around you.

"I also don't plan on sedating you. I wouldn't have the first time if you weren't trying to..." Well, ten minutes into tolerating each other and Spy had already brought up his son's attempted suicide. This was going great. "I am not going to drug you," he settled on. "I am just here to make sure you are alright and nothing happens to you. It's late, you've been through an ordeal, everyone just wants you to ge-"

"I'm sorry," he said, turning away to walk to the smaller bed. The one that Spy had precisely not pointed him to, but he obviously knew that the other one was Spy's. If it didn't smell of him then it's neatly folded sheets and gently placed pillows were a dead give away. "I'll sleep."

"Scout, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. If you aren't tired, maybe we can, ahem, talk." Talking was good. Talking could put to rest the issues between them. Spy could do talking.

"I'm not really in a talking kind of mood." Scout laughed at that, in a way that sounded like he wasn't really all that amused, falling back on the bed with little care for how he nearly bounced right back off. "That sounds so dumb coming from me, huh?"

"It doesn't sound dumb. It's understandable." Scout just shook his head at that, shutting his eyes and not even bothering to lay in bed correctly. His legs dangling over the side, and Spy realized, not for the first time, that Scout was still so tiny. Spy had figured that being 185 cm himself would give the boy a fighting chance, but based on his file from when he was first hired, and all of his checkups since, he was only five seven. Just a few inches taller than his mother... Maybe those drinks of his stunted his growth.

"Hey, Spy?" The sound of uncertainty and worry in Scout's voice pulled Spy from his thoughts, which were going nowhere anyway, rather abruptly. 

"What is it?" He still had his eyes closed and now had his arm laying over his face just for good measure. 

"Thanks for letting me stay with you. I know you don't like any of us in your personal space, and I know I was a dick about it earlier, and me being related to you probably forced your hand a bit, but I'm real grateful I don't gotta be alone. So, just... thanks." It was then, for the first time since he was born, that Scout left Spy truly speechless and just a little scared. 

"You needed somewhere safe, it's no problem." And it really wasn't, now that Spy thought about it. Scout was being so quiet, so calm, but even if he were bouncing off the walls or running a mile a minute, Spy would still not mind his presence as much as he once thought. 

"No, but like, it's more than that. Cause ya see I thought you hated me, and I don't know maybe you do, so this is all just so surprisingly frustrating for me. I mean, yesterday I felt like I was one thread away from being cut off from everyone who cared about me. And then I went to that stupid roof and _you_ were there? All I wanted when I was climbing those stairs was to just clear my thoughts, really, but when I was up there and looking at those lights and that fall, it just fucked with my thoughts and suddenly I wasn't looking at the lights or thinking about anyone who I still got, and if you hadn't of been there, I would have probably died not knowing my father left for a good reason." 

"Stop." Spy didn't mean to let that word out. He was just feeling very overwhelmed and not at all like a Spy should. He wanted to go back to composure, to agreeing with Scout and moving on like nothing had been said, but he couldn't ignore the thing that started inside of him at hearing something close to forgiveness leave Scout's mouth. "You've no business excusing my actions after five hours when I've spent a lifetime, your lifetime, hating them."

"Spy-"

"I left! You were born and I was engaged, and everything was perfect for us, but I left. It was so stupid, so foolish, of me, to just give you up without a fight, but I did it! You can't pick now, right after I almost lost you, to try and say I had a good reason. It's just too much. I can't-" Scout was sitting up now, watching as Spy fell apart in total shock and silence. When Spy fell forward, one hand over his face and the other holding himself up on the bed, he seemed to snap out of it.

"Spy, come on! Don't do that, don't beat yourself up over it. I did fine, I-" They both stopped, seeming to avoid that subject. Scout didn't do fine. That's why they were in this whole mess. "I'm not saying I wouldn't of liked you bein' there, but I managed, alright? Ma managed. She taught me how to catch, she yelled at me when I started staying out late and boy she could get real loud. And I didn't run my mouth like an idiot to a group of jerks because my dad wasn't around, and I didn't start... I didn't start drinking because of that either. I did it cause I was seventeen and real stupid." 

"But you were hurting. Maybe if I'd been around to be a father figure, I could-" His laugh, that genuine Scout laugh that sometimes progressed to tears, caught Spy so off guard that he forgot what he was about to say. It'd been so long since he'd heard that laugh and he'd been missing it.

"Look, that's uh... nice a ya, pal, but I had seven father figures and something tells me they were harder on me than you ever would have been." Seven...

"Elaine married seven times?!" He shook his head, laughter stopping but still looking a million times more alive than before, and at this point Spy felt things were going to be okay one day.

"I'm talking about my brothers! They were all older than me, the youngest by three years. And that may not seem like much but when you got seven guys watching your back you gotta be real responsible or they'll report back to Ma just like a dad." Spy hadn't forgotten about her other sons, but he had never seen much of them when he was in Boston still. "You know, I thought you were supposed to be looking after me."

"At what?" He looked at Scout then, really looked, and was pleasantly surprised to find him smiling. 

"Guess maybe making other people feel better is all I'm good at. Even though all you've done is stand there and freak out a bit, it kinda made me feel better. Like I know your not some robot without feelings. You should let that shit out more." Despite his humiliation, Spy nodded, a small smile forcing it's way to his face.

"Thank you, Scout." He could do this, he realized. Spy could put this broken boy back to together and he could love him like he meant to for the past two decades. "I admit, I feel better now, as well." How Spy felt was more than better. 

"Yeah? That's good, you sh-" A huge yawn interrupted whatever he was about to say and Spy gave him an accusatory look. "Yeah, I know. I'm sleeping."

"If it's not too much to ask." A lot of the emotion drained from Scout's face suddenly, and Spy's entire body tensed up. 

"Night, dad." Scout seemed to fall asleep fast after that, face relaxing into something more natural. Spy wasn't sure if he'd just imagined it, or if Scout really looked that bad, but he couldn't shake the unease. Even after there little moment, things were still going to be rocky dealing with Scout, possible for months, or longer. There would be moments like this, where things were fine, and there would be moments like last night, when Spy thought he was going to see his son die. 

He didn't sleep that night, just in case.


End file.
